Isra Talking Shit to the Mammoths

Not to much to say about chapter 29 other than it's a chapter where, once again, I am setting blocks in place so that I can stand up, hike up my big-boy pants and kick them across the room while screaming.

I imagine I was an adorable child.

So it's time to dive back into the early drafts and see what I cut out of this scene and -man, oh, man- did I find something weird.

Like I mentioned a few chapters back, Isra (or Ariane as I originally named her... seriously go read the post, it will all make sense.   ... It will make more sense) changed fairly radically from the first drafts up until now.  Brash, slightly foul-mouthed and more than a touch violent, Ariane was almost like Isra's evil side.

In fact, now that I think about it, she really is.  I think if Isra has a voice inside her that she has to ignore it would be the first draft of her I wrote.



I think I just blew my own mind.



Like... kaboom!



Oh yeah.  I was writing shit. Sorry.


I actually cut a lot out of this section.  Not only did the story change quite a lot but I was more interested in getting everyone to the city to enact the plan so that SPOILER ALERT ...not really...
everything can go terribly wrong.

But I came across this little scene and it made me giggle.  I hope it makes you giggle as well.

This, on the other hand, comes from Viekko's evil side.

“God it stinks something fierce down here. Now how do we get this big bastard to go to Halifax?”

“I have no idea,” said Cronus, “The old king made up some kind of special call that Halifax uses.”

“So what?  You want us to wait in a pool of elephant shit until he decides to call us over!”  yelled Ariane.

“Not so loud. I can hear you and mammoths don’t use that kind of bad language.  Listen, all you have to do is drive the alpha male.  The others are programmed to follow him.”

Althea put her hand on the mammoth’s flank.  It was making some low moaning sounds and was weaving back and forth slightly.

“He doesn’t sound too good does he?” said Althea.

“Doesn’t smell particularly hot either, though I imagine he’s just less fragrant at the best of times.  He’s still got to move, or were all dead.  You’re good with animals, Althea.  You talk to him.”

Althea moved down the animal’s flank patting it and whispering, “There, there big guy.  I know you’re not feeling good, but we really, really need to find Halifax.  You know Halifax, right?”

The mammoth grunted.

Althea took a few steps forward  and beckoned the mammoth, “Come on.  Come on, let’s go big guy, you can do it.”

The mammoth groaned again this time it was accompanied by a rude sound and terrible smell from the other side.

“Brilliant work.” said Ariane.

“It’s neuro-linguistic programming.  You need to reset the learned behavior.” said Cronus.

“Oh, and how do we do that?” said Ariane.

“I’m not sure.  The records in the dome were kinda vague.  You need to center the animal’s focus on the new trigger and then relate that order to a programmed action.”

Ariane thought for a moment and said, “Why didn’t you say so?  I can do that.”

She walked in front font of the animal, grabbed it by the tusks and pulled it forward until she was inches from his eyes, “Listen you treacherous little shit!  We’re going to find Halifax and we’re going now. I move you follow.  Understood?”

There was a certain look  in the creatures eye.  He probably didn’t understand the exact nature of the request, but he understood that it came from another creature that was much smaller and a lot meaner.

Ariane released the mammoth’s tusks, walked around behind him and slapped him hard on the rump, “Move you bastard!”

The mammoth reared up slightly and slowly started podding forward.

Althea glared at Ariane as she went back to pick up Viekko.

“What?” said Ariane, “I’ll tell Halifax the new code words when I see him.”

“Don’t worry big guy.” said Cronus’ voice from the radio, “She’s pretty much that way with everyone.”


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